We have all heard it more than once: men withdraw, go into their caves, and can not stay emotionally present.
As a man who prides himself on being compassionate and emotionally present, certain situations and circumstances also make me withhold myself. And regardless of how in touch with their emotional nature they may be, many other guys would react similarly.
A man may recede, but it does not necessarily mean he withdraws from his partner, even though most women take it that way.
When a man withdraws from discussion or seeks solitude, it often has nothing to do with his beloved. It has more to do with the intensity and complexity of emotions than with any specific person.
Men simply need more time to comprehend and integrate the fluid world of emotions. Additionally, they don't automatically grasp emotions like women do during a heated argument.
As men, we need time and space to understand what is happening within ourselves and with our lovers.
Men have been taught to suppress their emotions. When we display feelings, we are often mocked, insulted, and denigrated. Men learn sayings like "Don’t be a puss," "Man up," and "Face the music." We are, therefore, complete beginners when dealing with emotional circumstances.
Men are expected to be tough, protect, and kill to defend their families. This is the worst unacknowledged cause of emotional trauma for many guys. The absence of emotional sensitivity is required in the presence of aggression and the expectation of violence. And even if we are raised in different ways, that shite is still stored in our DNA and runs through our veins.
It is unfair to demand that a man be able to kill another person while also expecting him to be emotionally available at any moment.
Instead, be compassionate and understand the dilemma a man encounters when he becomes emotionally exposed and starts to experience more profound sensitivities.
Finding a man who wants to explore himself and let his inner passion loose is unusual enough. It doesn't necessarily follow that he will be an expert at it. It takes a growth curve for men to accept their feelings and feel at ease in their own skin.
Most women have spent their entire lives managing the oceanic tides of emotions.
Women are considered sensitive, empathetic individuals who experience emotional states as they grow up. They can perceive, experience, identify, and articulate their emotions more effectively than men. Women are also skilled at watching and identifying others' emotional states.
Women tend to open up completely about their thoughts and feelings without considering how this might affect a man. When a man doesn't react the way she needs, she may feel hurt or misunderstood.
Many men are subject to pressure and expectations regarding complex and contradictory emotions. And when we meet a woman who loves us, and we love her back, a fire that has been doused for a lifetime comes to life.
Yes, we make errors just like any newbie. Many of us need an emotional role model who can show us how to manage our emotions in a healthy way. We also require acceptance for who we are—huMANs on our way.
A man will react to a woman's wrath in the same way that he has been taught to experience emotions since he was a young child: with anger because it is one of the few emotions men can tolerate. For men, anger naturally serves as a form of defense.
Underside that anger, several other issues are hidden—fear, inadequacy, shame, failure, and guilt.
We need to be witnessed in that, not condemned. By our beloveds. And by other men.
Gentle understanding and acceptance bring about healing and interpersonal growth in guys. Being witnessed in our shame and pain by brothers without rejection or judgment is incredibly healing.
A guy learning to embrace his deeper truths will need time to fully ripen into his potential, just as a tree requires time to reach its full potential and blossom.
Written by [Bas Waijers Baumann] Thank you.
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Wenn du bereit bist, diese Schritte zu gehen und sowohl deine Stärken als auch deine Verletzlichkeiten anzunehmen, die dich von der Vergangenheit lösen können, damit du dein bestes Leben und die Beziehungen zu dir selbst und anderen leben kannst...
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Joe Turan
- Life Coach
- Tantra & Kuscheltherapeut
00436643884305
www.joeturan.com
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